Why Did He Leave Me?
Sometimes what’s even more devastating than losing a boyfriend or girlfriend is not understanding why it happened. Sometimes people don’t clearly communicate their reasons for ending a relationship—which can be a very damaging experience for both parties.
Susie from Tulsa, OK writes:
“My boyfriend of six months left me the other week and I can’t get him to tell me why. He’s cut me off out of the blue, and I can’t get him to talk to me. I don’t understand what happened. What did I do wrong? Why did he leave me? I don’t want this to happen to me again in my next relationship.”
I’m sorry to hear about your relationship problems. Unfortunately your experience is a very common one. Many times people are so jaded in their relationships that they leave without providing their exes with any sense of closure or understanding of what went wrong. The most important thing to realize is that if you honestly have no idea what you did wrong, it’s possible you didn’t do anything wrong at all.
If you do know there are things you could have done differently or better, than the great news is that you already are on your way to a better relationship the next go around. By applying what you’ve learned from this relationship, you will be more likely to experience a harmonious one next time. It’s important to accept responsibility for your part in things, but it’s equally important to learn to forgive yourself—even if the other person didn’t forgive you.
If you seriously have no idea what you did wrong, you may not be responsible for what happened at all. Sometimes people say, “It’s not you, it’s me.” It sounds insipid and false, but it isn’t always false at all. Oftentimes people end relationships for reasons only they understand. It could be this person simply wasn’t ready for a relationship due to lack of maturity—or this person may have other problems in his life that he wasn’t willing or able to communicate to you. He may have believed if he told you his reasons for leaving that he would cause you more pain instead of less. In which case, you’ll have to accept that the fault may have been his. We can’t avoid every breakup and bad situation by being good people ourselves. Sometimes things just don’t work out for reasons we have no control over.
If you think there were communication problems throughout the relationship, that’s something you could work on overcoming or avoiding in your next relationship, which could prevent another event like this one. If you thought communication was open, however, you’ll need to face the fact that it’s hard to develop trust in a relationship. Human interaction is scary and unpredictable—it’s also deeply worthwhile when it works out and worth the effort. Good luck next time, and don’t get too down on yourself for what may not have been your fault.