How To Make Him Want You
Attracting romantic partners doesn’t always come naturally—or does it? Here is our advice to Dorothea from Toronto about self confidence and the role it plays in attraction. Sometimes the best way to get attention is to be yourself.
Dorothea from St. Paul, MN writes:
“There’s this guy I’ve been pining after for a year now at school. I think he is the most gorgeous, amazing person I’ve ever met, but he doesn’t really seem to notice me. I mean, he talks to me and he’s perfectly nice, but I think to him I’m just another girl in his class. And maybe he’s right; that’s about how I feel. All the other girls seem so much better than me at flirting and stuff. How do I make him want me? I’ve tried everything I can think of to be more attractive, but nothing seems to make any difference and I just don’t know if I really am attractive at all sometimes. I feel so plain. What do I do?”
“Hello Dorothea. You are attractive. That’s the first thing you need to realize. Every person in the world has some wonderful attribute which makes him or her stand out from the crowd. To me it seems though that you have a lack of confidence in your own attractiveness, and that in itself can weigh heavily against you.
I know that people go way out of their way to try and appeal to their romantic conquests, and I suppose the girls in your class probably do the same. They wear the latest fashions and spend an hour or two in front of the mirror each morning, but if anything, what makes some of them attractive is probably their own self confidence that those things will pay off. Others I think you might realize on a second glance aren’t really all that attractive at all—under the surface their lack of self esteem is obvious, and guys will notice that too after a while. It isn’t always effort which is attractive—sometimes it’s what’s most effortless and natural.
Part of attraction is subtlety. I think if you find out what you love about yourself and then be those traits, you will find other people—like that guy you’re trying to interest—will notice too. If you don’t love yourself, you can’t expect others to do the same. If it is clear though that you are a passionate individual who has confidence in being unique, then you will stand out from all those other girls. Confidence tells a guy that you know you can please him, but that you are also independent enough to stand on your own two feet. Oftentimes the best romantic partners are those who are capable and independent, but have a lot to offer, and that’s what guys are looking for in many cases.
There is also the other good old fashioned approach of just asking him out! He may not be the most confident guy himself, or he may not notice you are trying to send him signals, even if he already likes you. What if he’s attracted to you and you don’t even know it? Sometimes the straightforward approach works great, especially if that’s his personality. Know you are worthy of this guy, and know you are an attractive, unique, beautiful individual. Let yourself shine!”