How To Get Over Someone

Have you ever been badly hurt by a break-up? You are not alone...

 

We recently received a letter from Jennifer who was really struggling to get over her ex-boyfriend. This is a common problem that plagues a lot of relationships that are ending so let’s take a look at it…

Jennifer from Alabama writes:

My boyfriend of 3 years broke up with me about 2-3 months ago. Naturally, I was heartbroken as I did not see this coming.

I thought everything was ok, but apparently he was not happy because he said he had found someone else. I’m really struggling to get over him even though I suspect he may have been cheating on me all along.

I feel like I should call him, but I don’t know if that is a good idea. I can’t believe he already has someone else after we were together for over 3 years. I’m really confused and upset. Please help!

Our Response…

Dear Jennifer,

One of the hardest things we all face in life is getting our hearts broken. It can be very devastating when someone we love decides they do not love us.

Although it might feel like you will never get over him, I can assure you that is not the case. It is perfectly natural to feel the way you do, and unfortunately it is just going to take some time before you are 100% over him.

There are some things you can do though to make this process easier.

how to get over someone

First, spend more time with your friends and family. When trying to heal emotionally it is important to surround yourself with a good support system.

Your friends and family can help you talk about your emotions and slowly start to put them behind you. Plus they will help you to keep him off of your mind.

Second, spend some time working on yourself. Focus on your career or kids if you have them. Learn new things. Take up a new hobby.

These are all things you can do that will keep your mind off of your ex-boyfriend. It is important to stay busy as this helps the healing process.

Third, make sure you do not communicate with your ex-boyfriend. Many times we will be tempted to call our ex, but in the end it just makes the situation worse.

Even if he calls you I would encourage you to ignore him. Do not allow him to toy with your emotions. Tell yourself that you are going to move on, and that is final.

Finally, when you feel like you are emotionally stable you should start dating again. This is not something you should rush into. Rebound relationships almost never last, so wait until you are feeling better emotionally.

Getting over someone is never easy especially when it was a long term relationship. It usually feels like you will never get over that person, but time will eventually heal your wound.

Stay busy and focus on the important things in life such as friends and family, and you’ll be over him sooner than you think…..

…When you feel you are ready to find someone else, check out This Unbelievable Video to get an insight into how men really think.

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19 Comments

  1. Katie says:

    Brilliant advice – and very true. I’m struggling at the moment too. There are stupid websites about ‘getting them back’ which is unhealthy and can only cause more pain.

    This is age old advice but the best around.

  2. Helen says:

    Im having the worst time at the moment myself.. And unfortunately I have made matters worse by allowing him to toy with my emotions.. And I have also developed a quite worrying paranoia, in which I’m constantly asking myself ‘who is she? Is she someone i know? Did he meet her at work? Does she know me?’ .. It’s killing me, I know time is a healer but this is torture.

    • Mary says:

      As someone who recently broke up with my boyfriend I will tell you this…get on with your life. He doesn’t want YOU. It doesn’t matter who he is seeing or why he broke up with you. He did. So stop making yourself look pathetic and get on with your life. Work on making yourself fabulous and get healthy for YOU not anyone else. There is nothing more sad than some sniveling disparate person who can’t let go. Don’t ever give anyone that kind of power.

  3. Laurel says:

    If they toy with your emotions are they really respecting you? I ask myself this and the answer is no, they are self centered!
    Time will heal but it also will bring back your common sense! I liked reading that last statement the best! There is always stuff to look back on and remember what u didn’t like and what didn’t work for u!

  4. crystal says:

    I was with this guy for about three years. He left me and I can’t get over him. I’m beyond depressed – I’ve lost weight, I’m practically suicidal. I don’t know what to do. Even if I work and do other things I can’t get my mind off him. I love him and I text him every day and call him and he says I’m too clingy. I don’t know what to do. He says I’m crazy and jealous. Suggestions?

    • Michelle says:

      I am so sorry for what you are going thru. I am going thru the same thing, and although I have a little boy, so I wouoldn’t think of ending my life, the pain is immense and I can see where people would think that way. HOWEVER, I cling to the hope that My Lord and Savior gives me. He will never leave me nor forsake me. I hope you know him Crystal, and I will be praying for you even though I don’t know you.
      Sounds like you are clingy. I am too. We are people who love too much and are seen as weirdos by the rest of the world However, we have tender hearts and that is nothing to be ashamed of.

    • Isa says:

      I mean this in the nicest way possible…you need to get some help. It sounds like this relationship really drove you to the edge. I had a similar experience a little over a year ago. I was in a 5 yr relationship and I was loosing my mind. I attended group therapy and now I am a much better person. I urge you to seek help if you ever think about ending your life, no one out there is worth it!

    • Mary says:

      You need to find out what it is about YOU and YOUR life that makes you jealous or clingy. That is very unattractive in anyone. No one is worth your life. You really need to seek professional help. A certain amount of jealousy is normal but if it interferes and destroys your relationships you need to have a long look within. Jealousy translates to the world that you don’t trust your own judgement, your not worthy and there is something wrong with you. None of that is true of course but that is what you tell the world more importantly your partner. You can’t force someone to love you they di because you are lovable.

  5. Brandi says:

    Crystal,

    I’m with you. Three and a half years and he made a lot of promises he didn’t keep. It’s been two months; I hurt everyday and it hasn’t gotten any better. I’ve lost weight. I haven’t slept. I think about him constantly.

    Here’s the point: even if you don’t believe it’s true now you need to know that these feelings will pass, you will come out of this stronger, and you will (eventually) find someone else. When the time is right, the guy you are meant to be with will be as committed to you as you are to him.

    Do yourself a favor, please stop trying to communicate with him. You are only prolonging the pain by doing so. I have had days where I contacted my ex (or stalked him on facebook), and days where I didn’t. The days when I refrain are much better than the days when I give in.

  6. Veronica says:

    I got dumped by someone I was with for 3 years also, only thing is I work with him. He has someone else, always has. Very hard to get over him. See him everyday and know that he goes home to someone else.

  7. Andrew says:

    My case – it’s the same. My girlfriend of 8 years left me and I feel like it has destroyed my life. I just hope time heals this pain or that hopefully soon she realizes the decision she made was not the best.
    PS – that was some great advice!

  8. Karen says:

    I’m writing this and can hardly see the screen for tears. Its only been 5 days but I feel so alone after my 1st love of 15yrs told me it was completely over with no chance of a reconciliation. I’m devastated to say the least and can see no future without him. This is so hard to try and deal with. I’m a 46 year old woman so why cant i see sense?

    • Debbie says:

      Dear Karen, like you I am a more mature woman trying to get my life back on track after a 5 year relationship ended out of the blue, 2 weeks ago!! How are things now?

  9. Meredith says:

    I’m sorry to hear that Karen. One way to look at being heartbroken is to realize you only have one life. Accept that you are heartbroken but enjoy the time here on Earth you have. While it hurts, make life count. Enjoy a walk in the park, take a long weekend in the mountains, or do something you usually don’t do. Go to a neat museum. Remember live life to the fullest even with a broken heart. So you won’t look back and regret spending your precious moments without enjoying the wonderful things life has to offer.

  10. Stephanie says:

    People, people, people….don’t ever let someone control your life.

  11. Maria says:

    I fell in love with a guy last year. I spent hours upon hours with him every week. For a certain period, I KNOW he loved me back. We never did anything about it though, were too much alike. Always assuming the other person is going to make the first move, doubting each others feelings. Over the summer, he moved on and got a new girlfriend. I failed to move on. I think about him a lot. I think this advice will really help me. Thank you :)

  12. JJ says:

    I can relate to so many of the comments posted here. My bf was my my best friend, we literally did everything together for the 1.5 yrs we were together. In fact, what really baffles me is that he and I get along great when we discuss breaking up and when we are back together things are so intense. We both agreed the other has set the bar so high, anyone after isn’t going to be good enough. How do I stop myself from contacting him? It seems to get more difficult as time goes on not easier.

  13. Gene says:

    It’s all true, all the advice and all the stories. I’m 50 years old and don’t know how I ended up alone. I have extensive relationship experience LOL and just can’t figure out what I’m doing wrong. I will tell you the one and only fix that works immediately; there’s an old song that goes “only love can break a heart, only love can mend it again” when you meet someone else he or she will go quietly into your past like it never happened. Instantly you’ll feel better! But everyone will tell you not to rush into anything but that old love at first sight and chemistry is hard to deny! Good luck, you’re not alone.

  14. Prem Vellaiyan says:

    I don’t know whether Jennifer would take your advice seriously or not… but I’m taking it seriously for sure. Thanks a lot! Cheers :)

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