How To Get Over A Breakup
There are few things tougher where relationships are concerned than their ends. If you’ve had a bad breakup, it can be challenging to move on with your dating life—or your emotional life altogether. It can take months or even years to get over someone sometimes. How can you move on?
Devon from Fargo, ND writes:
“I broke up with a guy I was really into about eight months ago, and I thought the pain of it would have subsided a bit by now, but it still hasn’t. I only dated him for six months, so the pain has lasted longer than the relationship even did. How can I move on with my life? I’m really tired of feeling this bad. I don’t want to save the relationship or anything. I just want to get over it.”
There are no simple solutions to getting over someone, unfortunately, and without knowing more about your situation, there is no way to offer pointed suggestions. Every breakup is different, and overcoming the wounds of the past can involve different periods of time and different actions depending on what happened. The first thing I would ask you is whether anything about the breakup was left unresolved, and if so, whether you’ve tried to resolve it. Resolution in itself is usually a positive thing, even if the resolution means you’re moving on—because moving on is better than dwelling in a situation where a relationship cannot be salvaged. If you feel you had any fault in the matter for which you haven’t apologized, you should try and acknowledge your role in the relationship’s end and apologize. If you don’t understand something about what happened, try and get answers so that you can apply those answers to your next relationship. You must love yourself enough to learn to forgive yourself.
It’s not always possible to talk to our exes however, and in some cases it’s not advisable, even when loose ends are still present. Some people don’t manage to move on because they keep speaking to their exes. In some cases, avoiding the person completely is a better way of moving on.
Have you tried throwing yourself into a new passion or pursuit—not necessarily a new relationship, but a new activity? You may or may not be ready to start dating again. For some people, dating someone new can resolve the problem, while for others, it only complicates the next relationship. If you find a new hobby or club to get involved with which gets you out in public, however, you can distract yourself with something fun and involving, and maybe open up your social opportunities a bit without as much pressure.
You may also want to consider therapy. If you’re feeling depressed on an ongoing basis, you may need outside help. Depression can be a serious illness, and a breakup is a common cause for depression. A therapist may be able to help you to find some kind of resolution within yourself if you cannot find it through another channel.
Whatever you do, forgive yourself for your inability to move on as well. Not everyone can bounce from one person to the next—nor is it necessarily a good idea anyway. If you are still mourning your past, endeavor to move on—but also embrace the positive qualities in yourself which have allowed you to be so deeply affected. As someone so deeply moved, you are capable of a loving relationship with another person, and with yourself.