How To Get My Ex Girlfriend Back
There are few things worse than your girlfriend telling you that your relationship is over—and that she doesn’t want to hear from you again. Fortunately a lot of us have less destructive breakups and more chances to get back together, but even if the worst happens, all hope may not be lost. Here is our advice to a recent reader.
Jim from Boise, ID writes:
“Last week my girlfriend left me forever. I can’t believe it. We weren’t together for more than a few months, but I was getting pretty serious about it, and right when I was … it just fell apart! It was my own fault; I did something stupid, and I’m sorry, but she won’t hear me. She won’t even talk to me. I’ve tried all the usual stuff, flowers and letters and all that. But I can’t seem to get my ex girlfriend back, or even get her to talk to me. What do I do? Any suggestions would be great.”
Hi Jim. I’m sorry to hear about your romantic woes! It sounds like you’ve been trying hard—and you may think it’s having no impact, but you can’t know for certain. Often it takes a lot to get back into a woman’s heart, but oftentimes it takes more than just one mistake to fall out of it too. So don’t give up—she may still be interested. She just may be waiting on something more, or something specific from you.
Flowers and letters are definitely great, but they’re also pretty common. While they do demonstrate effort, they don’t demonstrate extraordinary effort. If your girlfriend was feeling as serious as you were, she probably was looking for something extraordinary. Whatever you did wrong, you need to compensate by doing more in the opposite direction. You need to show this girl that you are committed enough to saving the relationship to do something unique.
What are your talents? Do you write songs or poetry or literature, do you draw or paint, do you build things? You could try creating something and dedicate it to her, something which not only reveals the depth of your feelings for her, but also takes hours or days, or even weeks of time and effort. That kind of dedication makes a big statement.
You could also try reaching out to a common friend or acquaintance to ask for suggestions. The common friend may also be able to help you to understand if you need to apologize for something else which you didn’t realize you did wrong. That friend may be able to help your ex girlfriend to discover just how much you want to save the relationship, and how sorry you are for what you did.
Finally, consider trying not to save the relationship as it was, but instead to create something new where it existed. If you truly love this person and are willing to love her without agenda, as her friend for example, and not her boyfriend, she may realize that what she wants is what you want after all, at which point she’ll ask to get back together. If you do this, don’t forget to let her know you still want to be her boyfriend, even if you’re happy to settle for a different relationship in the meantime.
I have a huge problem, it started about 4 years ago, i was feeling a lot of mixed emoitions. Like depression, being unsure that I was addimit enough for my wife. I felt like I wasn’t the man she wanted and as time went by she begain pulling away, like not wanting have sex, or not wanting to spend time together, talking to other guys at work. I took it the wrong way as if she was or was going to cheat on me, so i inturn, started making coments as if she were cheating or as if I wernt good enough for her and after awhile she wanted a seperation. I gave it to her for a few days and during this time I keep calling and texting trying to get her back, after awhile she came back, mainly because she felt as if she had to cause of me and my feelings. After awhile things begain falling apart and I tryed to fix them I was unemployed for two years and wasn’t trying that hard to find work. She started falling apart and pulling away more offten. We had to move into my mothers place for awhile after I found a job,.and while this was going on I begain talking to one of my ex’s and we were talking very intametly. My wife soon found out what was going on and she wanted to seperate again and this time she begain talking about devorce. We did this again and begain talking to other people and seeing other people and a lot was said between the both of us that made her lose her feelings for me and now she don’t want any thing to do with me and I try every once in awhile to talk to her about it but she says she doesn’t have any feelings for me. In the mits of all this we have two kids that are 4 and 6 and they ain’t doing bad but I’m sure they don’t understand. I’ve been thinking about a lot through all of this about what I did to make her not love me and I came up with a few things. I acted imature about being good enough for her and by insulting her by yelling at her after coming home from the bars a few times lait. I also wasn’t working and wasn’t trying hard enough to find work and I haven’t had a lot of confedence in my relationship with her. What do I do to get her back into my life as my wife?
Stop dwelling on the past and concentrate on the future, the sooner you get back in dating the sooner you will be happy
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