How To Get My Ex Girlfriend Back
There are few things worse than your girlfriend telling you that your relationship is over—and that she doesn’t want to hear from you again. Fortunately a lot of us have less destructive breakups and more chances to get back together, but even if the worst happens, all hope may not be lost. Here is our advice to a recent reader.
Jim from Boise, ID writes:
“Last week my girlfriend left me forever. I can’t believe it. We weren’t together for more than a few months, but I was getting pretty serious about it, and right when I was … it just fell apart! It was my own fault; I did something stupid, and I’m sorry, but she won’t hear me. She won’t even talk to me. I’ve tried all the usual stuff, flowers and letters and all that. But I can’t seem to get my ex girlfriend back, or even get her to talk to me. What do I do? Any suggestions would be great.”
Hi Jim. I’m sorry to hear about your romantic woes! It sounds like you’ve been trying hard—and you may think it’s having no impact, but you can’t know for certain. Often it takes a lot to get back into a woman’s heart, but oftentimes it takes more than just one mistake to fall out of it too. So don’t give up—she may still be interested. She just may be waiting on something more, or something specific from you.
Flowers and letters are definitely great, but they’re also pretty common. While they do demonstrate effort, they don’t demonstrate extraordinary effort. If your girlfriend was feeling as serious as you were, she probably was looking for something extraordinary. Whatever you did wrong, you need to compensate by doing more in the opposite direction. You need to show this girl that you are committed enough to saving the relationship to do something unique.
What are your talents? Do you write songs or poetry or literature, do you draw or paint, do you build things? You could try creating something and dedicate it to her, something which not only reveals the depth of your feelings for her, but also takes hours or days, or even weeks of time and effort. That kind of dedication makes a big statement.
You could also try reaching out to a common friend or acquaintance to ask for suggestions. The common friend may also be able to help you to understand if you need to apologize for something else which you didn’t realize you did wrong. That friend may be able to help your ex girlfriend to discover just how much you want to save the relationship, and how sorry you are for what you did.
Finally, consider trying not to save the relationship as it was, but instead to create something new where it existed. If you truly love this person and are willing to love her without agenda, as her friend for example, and not her boyfriend, she may realize that what she wants is what you want after all, at which point she’ll ask to get back together. If you do this, don’t forget to let her know you still want to be her boyfriend, even if you’re happy to settle for a different relationship in the meantime.